Witty Quotes To Fire Up Your Brain

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Ready to exercise that brain of yours? It’s time to fire those neurons and get philosophical with these witty quotes…

If you like a little humor and a good brain scratcher, then read on. These interesting words show that witty sayings are both funny and thoughtful tools to get your brain working.

So enjoy a little humor and add some depth to your outlook with the best witty quotes from KIM.

Top 10 Wit Quotes

Wit is the lowest form of humor.

Alexander Pope

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

Stan Laurel
Shakespeare quote "Better a witty fool than a foolish wit"
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” – William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.

J. Robson Koenig

A witty saying proves nothing.


A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.

George D. Prentice

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.

Friedrich Nietzsche
Catherine the Great quote "Your wit makes others witty"
“Your wit makes others witty.” – Catherine the Great

The world is divided into men who have wit and no religion and men who have religion and no wit.


Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.

Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

The Best Witty Quotes

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Bertrand Russell

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

George Eliot

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Bertrand Russell

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Dorothy Parker

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

Doug Larson

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.

Douglas Adams

Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.

Enid Blyton
Doris Smith quote "Arguing with a fool proves there are two"
“Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith

Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.

Harry Truman

My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.

Lisa Kleypas

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.

Mark Twain

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead

The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.

Karl Krause

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley
"Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason"
“Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason.” – Miguel Queah

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

Robert Frost

Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.

Otto von Bismark

The lot of critics is to be remembered by what they failed to understand.

George Edward Moore

The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.

Mark Twain

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Steven Wright

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Thomas Edison

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Alfred Hitchcock

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

Ljupka Cvetanova

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Benny Bellamancia witty quote "The important thing to remember is not to forget"
“The important thing to remember is not to forget.” – Benny Bellamancia

Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.

Howard Aiken

Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.

John Kenneth Galbraith

The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.

George Bernard Shaw

I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.

Suzanne Wrightt

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.

John Foster Dulles

I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.

David Livingstone

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Mark Twain

It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.

Walter Linn
"Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make"
“Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.


It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

Ronald Reagan

Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.

William Cowper

We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.

Anais Nin

Never try to have the last word. You might get it.

Robert Heinlein

Sarcastic Quotes

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Douglas Adams

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

George Bernard Shaw

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Isaac Asimov
Oliver hardy sarcastic quote "If you must make a noise make it quietly"
“If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” – Oliver Hardy

A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.

Michael Bassey Johnson

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.

George Washington

I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.

Abraham Maslow

For me genius is ‘1% inspiration and 99% procrastination.’

Richard Herring

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Steven Wright

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

Woodrow Wilson

She has all of the virtues I despise, and none of the vices I admire.

Winston Churchill

There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.

Oscar Wilde

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.

Peter F. Drucker
Mark Twain quote "All generalizations are false including this one"
“All generalizations are false, including this one.” – Mark Twain

The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

Wernher von Braun

One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.

Robert Heinlein

I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.

Woodrow Wilson

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

James Thurber

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

Oscar Wilde

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.

Oliver Goldsmith

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

William Congreve

Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.Ralph Charell

Samueal Goldwyn quote "I never liked you and I always will"
“I never liked you, and I always will.” – Samuel Goldwyn

Ironic Witty Quotes

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

Billy Wilder

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

Cullen Hightower

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

George Bernard Shaw

I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.

J. Paul Getty

Irony is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom.

Anatloe France

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Jay Leno

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Mark Twain
Oscar Wilde witty quote "I can resist everything except temptation"
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.

Martha Scott

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Oliver Herford

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Thomas Sowell

He must be very ignorant for he answers every question he is asked.


Some people are so far behind they actually think they’re leading.

Dominic Chianese, The Sopranos

Action will destroy your procrastination.

Og Mandino

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

Robert Frost

The Best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.

Abraham Lincoln
Carrie Fisher quote "Instant gratification takes too long"
“Instant gratification takes too long.” – Carrie Fisher

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

Helen Walton

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

Amit Kalantri

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

Mark Twain

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

George Bernard Shaw

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.

Robert J. Sawyer

I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.

Charles de Gaulle

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.

Bertrand Russell

Men are the sport of circumstances when it seems circumstances are the sport of men.

Lord Byron
George Carlin quote "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

We hope you enjoyed this biting collection of witty quotes and gained some humor and perspective from them.

Irony and sarcasm are often key to being witty, but don’t lay them on too thick! If we forgot one of your favorite witty sayings, let us know in the comments below.

Photo of author

Quincy Seale

Quincy is KIM's editor, and has collected and shared inspiring quotes and stories since 2005. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban.

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