Witty Quotes To Fire Up Your Brain

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Ready to exercise that brain of yours?


Because it’s time to fire those neurons and get philosophical with these witty quotes…

If you like a little humor and a good brain scratcher, then read on.

We’ve got the world’s best compilation of witty quotes for you now…

Witty Quotes

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

A grieving woman could sit alone on a jetty in the early morning. But not with a book in her hands.

Pia Juul

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

Ljupka Cvetanova

A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.

Michael Bassey Johnson

A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.

J. Robson Koenig

A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’.

Robert Heinlein

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.

Len Wein

A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

Doug Larson

A witty saying proves nothing.


A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.

George Dennison Prentice

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.

William James

Action will destroy your procrastination.

Og Mandino

All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.

Adlai E. Stevenson

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

Abraham Lincoln

Arguing with a fool proves there are two.

Doris M. Smith

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.

Oliver Goldsmith

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

William Shakespeare

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

Robert Frost

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.


Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

William Congreve

Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.

Ralph Charell

Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.

Howard Aiken

Dreams don’t work unless you do.

John C. Maxwell

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.

Erma Bombeck

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

Criss Jami

Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.

John Kenneth Galbraith

Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.

Otto von Bismarck

Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.

Claude Mermet

Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Thomas Alva Edison

He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable.

Emma Goldrick

He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper.

Edmund Burke

How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

I don’t let go of concepts –I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.

Byron Katie

I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.

Woodrow Wilson

I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.

Abraham Maslow

I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.

Suzanne Wrightt

I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.

David Livingstone

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

Amit Kalantri

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Mark Twain

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

Woodrow Wilson

If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.

Woody Allen

Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.

Amit Kalantri

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.

George Washington

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

Charles Darwin

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

Helen Walton

It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.

Walter Linn

It takes a long time to grow an old friend.

John Leonard

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

Tom Robbins

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

Ronald Reagan

Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.

William Cowper

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.

Robert J. Sawyer

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

George Bernard Shaw

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.

Soren Kierkegaard

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.


Maturity involves turning an insult into a feedback.

Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

Benjamin Disraeli

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Will Rogers

Never try to have the last word. You might get it.

Robert Heinlein

No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.

William James

Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? Certainly. I’d know me anywhere.

Terry Pratchett

One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.

Robert Heinlein

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Rita Mae Brown

Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley’s very funny, very witty guy, very quick.

Joe Rogan

Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.

Dennis Sharpe

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

George Eliot

Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason.

Miguel Queah

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.

Holly Hood

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

Kim Hubbard

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

Robert Brault

The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

Wernher von Braun

The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.

Abraham Lincoln

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.

Richard P. Feynman

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake.

Elbert Hubbard

The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.

Wayne Dyer

The important thing to remember is not to forget.

Benny Bellamacina

The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.

George Bernard Shaw

The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.

Mark Twain

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.

John Foster Dulles

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.


The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.

Josh Lanyon

The reward of a thing done well is to have done it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.

Bertrand Russell

There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn’t exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.

Christian Louboutin

There is never a better measure of what a person is than what he does when he’s absolutely free to choose.

William M. Bulger

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.

Peter Drucker

They sit there in committees day after day, And they each put in a color and it comes out gray. And we all have heard the saying, which is true as well as witty, That a camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.

Allan Sherman

To be able to ask a question clearly is two-thirds of the way to getting it answered.

John Ruskin

To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable.

Erich Fromm

To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.

Winston Churchill

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Oscar Wilde

Want to know something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It’s really worth fighting for — risking everything for. And the trouble is — if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong

We all have times when we think more effectively, and times when we should not be thinking at all.

Daniel Cohen

We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.

Anais Nin

We tend to get what we expect.

Norman Vincent Peale

Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

Suzanne Collins

What gets measured gets managed.

Peter Drucker

When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.

Xondra Day

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.

Henry Ford

Writers don’t get mad they get even in their novels.

Candace C. Bowen

You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.

Henry Ford

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.

Wayne Dyer

You know, you’re rather amusingly wrong.

Terry Pratchett

You will never find time for anything. You must make it.

Charles Buxton

Men are the sport of circumstances when it seems circumstances are the sport of men.

Lord Byron

She has all of the virtues I despise, and none of the vices I admire.

Winston Churchill
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Quincy Seale

Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban.