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Ready to exercise that brain of yours? It’s time to fire those neurons and get philosophical with these witty quotes…
If you like a little humor and a good brain scratcher, then read on. These interesting words show that witty sayings are both funny and thoughtful tools to get your brain working.
So enjoy a little humor and add some depth to your outlook with the best witty quotes from KIM.
Top 10 Wit Quotes
Wit is the lowest form of humor.
Alexander Pope
Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.
Stan Laurel
A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.
J. Robson Koenig
A witty saying proves nothing.
Voltaire
A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.
George D. Prentice
Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.
Friedrich Nietzsche
The world is divided into men who have wit and no religion and men who have religion and no wit.
Avicenna
Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.
Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
The Best Witty Quotes
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Bertrand Russell
Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.
George Eliot
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
Bertrand Russell
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
Doug Larson
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
Douglas Adams
Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.
Enid Blyton
Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
Harry Truman
My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.
Lisa Kleypas
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.
Mark Twain
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Margaret Mead
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.
Karl Krause
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost
Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.
Otto von Bismark
The lot of critics is to be remembered by what they failed to understand.
George Edward Moore
The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.
Mark Twain
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Steven Wright
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Thomas Edison
Puns are the highest form of literature.
Alfred Hitchcock
A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.
Ljupka Cvetanova
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
Howard Aiken
Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
John Kenneth Galbraith
The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.
George Bernard Shaw
I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.
Suzanne Wrightt
The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.
John Foster Dulles
I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.
David Livingstone
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Mark Twain
It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.
Walter Linn
The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.
Michelangelo
It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
Ronald Reagan
Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.
William Cowper
We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.
Anais Nin
Never try to have the last word. You might get it.
Robert Heinlein
Sarcastic Quotes
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.
Michael Bassey Johnson
It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.
George Washington
I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.
Abraham Maslow
For me genius is ‘1% inspiration and 99% procrastination.’
Richard Herring
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
Woodrow Wilson
She has all of the virtues I despise, and none of the vices I admire.
Winston Churchill
There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.
Peter F. Drucker
The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
Wernher von Braun
One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.
Robert Heinlein
I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.
Woodrow Wilson
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
James Thurber
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Oscar Wilde
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.
Oliver Goldsmith
Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
William Congreve
Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.Ralph Charell
Ironic Witty Quotes
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
Billy Wilder
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
Cullen Hightower
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
George Bernard Shaw
I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.
J. Paul Getty
Irony is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom.
Anatloe France
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Jay Leno
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.
Martha Scott
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
Oliver Herford
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell
He must be very ignorant for he answers every question he is asked.
Voltaire
Some people are so far behind they actually think they’re leading.
Dominic Chianese, The Sopranos
Action will destroy your procrastination.
Og Mandino
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost
The Best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.
Abraham Lincoln
It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.
Helen Walton
If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.
Amit Kalantri
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Mark Twain
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
George Bernard Shaw
Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.
Robert J. Sawyer
I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.
Charles de Gaulle
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
Bertrand Russell
Men are the sport of circumstances when it seems circumstances are the sport of men.
Lord Byron
We hope you enjoyed this biting collection of witty quotes and gained some humor and perspective from them.
Irony and sarcasm are often key to being witty, but don’t lay them on too thick! If we forgot one of your favorite witty sayings, let us know in the comments below.